“A Collection Of Funny Church Moments”

Brooksyne and I have had many humorous experiences through our years of ministry.  We would like to share some with our readers! If you have a humorous church story please consider sharing it using the “Leave a Comment” link above.

“A time to laugh” (Ecclesiastes 3:4). “A cheerful heart is good medicine”  (Proverbs 17:22).

We recall:

* A little girl had a role in a children’s church drama many years ago. As she stepped up to the microphone for her small speaking part the only words that she bellowed out were, “I gotta P” as she took off down the middle aisle, holding herself the entire way!

* The elderly man offering a prayer request for a male friend of his. “Pray for my friend Jim. He had a hysterectomy and is in a whole lot of pain.”  His wife went right along with him, nodding in agreement and weeping.  (This was a hard request to follow-up on with a serious prayer.)

* The man from a rough gang background who had come to the altar to accept Christ. After we prayed together he looked up at me and expressed with great joy, “I feel a h*** of a lot better.”

* When Ester was little I often carried her on my shoulders.  She frequently sang songs she learned in church.  Rather than singing the correct words of the Twila Paris’ song, “He is exalted, the King is exalted…” Ester, with great enthusiasm, would sing, “He is exhausted, the King is exhausted…”

* A baptism in a mountain stream in Northern Pennsylvania. It was winter runoff and the water was ice cold. I was baptizing a large, rather simple-minded, man. Although baptisms are joyful I still like to keep a certain dignity about the service. As we stepped out into the icy water he said in a slow drawl, “This ain’t gonna take very long is it Reverend?” (Believe me, it didn’t!)

*A young boy who testified about his deliverance.  During a Sunday evening service in New England a guest musician led us in the hymn, “Since Jesus Came Into My Heart.”  He told the  congregational members that we would pause after singing each verse and chorus to give an opportunity for congregational members to share about the change Jesus brought into their lives after they got saved. After singing the second verse five year old Kyle, who had already developed a sense of humor, raised his hand.  When the song leader called on him he asked, “Young man, what has God delivered You from?”  Kyle answered “Drugs!” Imagine how red his mother’s face turned as she realized what had just came out of her son’s mouth.

*That’s my seat!  The majority of us who attend church have a pew or chair that we consider to be our own as if our name was attached.  We expect to sit in that same spot for every service unless we’ve been bumped by someone else.  Usually that someone else will be a visitor who doesn’t know better or who doesn’t have their name on another seat.  One Sunday Sandra, who has downs syndrome , came in late for the service.  She always took the seat closest to the middle aisle on the second pew from the front.  She was flat footed so you could hear her entrance every Sunday even though the middle aisle was carpeted.  Expecting to take her usual seat she made her way up the aisle and headed for her pew until she realized a man and woman were sitting in her place.  From the aisle she just stood there looking at them in disbelief.  Then she gave a very exasperated huff as she crossed her arms Indian style and informed the visiting couple that they were sitting in her seat.  It was a very humorous and embarrassing moment for onlookers.  A board member quickly came to the rescue, but you’ve probably already guessed it, the couple chose to sit elsewhere.  I’m sure they understood!

*You can’t sit there!!  A very dedicated elderly woman attended our church for many years.  She had to bring her oxygen with her each Sunday since she suffered from emphysema.  She eventually died and the congregation loved her so much that Brooksyne decided to make an arrangement of silk flowers and tape them to the upper back of the pew along with a dedicatory sign remembering Mary who faithfully sat in that very seat for many years.   We kept it on the pew for about a month and finally knew it was time to remove it. But no one could bring themselves to sit in that seat even after the flowers and sign were removed.  A friend of ours was visiting for the first time and he chose to sit in that “hallowed” spot.   He must have seen a strange expression on my face because he looked up at me and asked, “What did I do?  Have I done something wrong?”  Up to that point I thought it was the congregation who needed to move on and sit in this “hallowed” spot, but when our friend saw my look of horror I realized it was me,  Brooksyne, that had to let go.  Tom helped us to quit “saving” that spot and we blessed him for being the one who would finally break in that seat for others to sit in.

*Brooksyne has taught children since she committed her life to Christ in Junior High School. That’s over 35 years and she’s stored up many funny memories.  Once she was teaching on Elijah and in describing Elijah she told the children that he was a “bold man.”  Making sure that she was not talking over their heads, she asked her preschoolers what the word “bold” meant. Little three year old Mandy quickly raised her hand and with much confidence answered, “He didn’t have no hair.”

* Many years ago we had a musical drama called “Little Christmas Lamb” which had a part about a poor orphan girl with ragged attire and worn-out shoes.  In fact the shoes were so worn that the soles flopped up and down as the girl walked around the stage.   Ester was only about 4 at the time and was so upset at the pitiful shoes that she spontaneously ran up to the platform at the end of the musical and turned to the congregation and shook her finger at the congregation to scold them for laughing at this poor girl.   Brooksyne took Ester to the shoe store the next day and bought Cleusa (the young actress) a new pair of shoes.  Ester gave them to her for Christmas and it served as a wonderful lesson for her to see the proper Christian response to a person in need.

* One Sunday morning I was sharing the story about the three Hebrew boys that were thrown into the fiery furnace (as recorded in Daniel). I asked the congregation if they could remember the names of the three Hebrew boys. A little boy in the church excitedly raised his hand and said, “Rack, Shack and Bennie!” (These are the names given to them on a “Veggie Tales” song.)  The congregation laughed so heartily that this sensitive child began to cry as he didn’t know what was funny about his answer.

* A funny memory the folks in our last church had before our arrival was that of an elderly lady who would testify by holding a microphone to her ear. I had always smiled as I heard this, but was still a little skeptical of such a story. In a final service we had prior to moving on from that church people were testifying concerning our ministry years and sure enough, this dear lady came up, took the microphone and placed it to her ear and began to share from her heart.  Have you ever looked at an entire congregation who is respectfully trying to listen while holding back a roaring laughter that is upwelling inside?  Of course the children had more difficulty containing the laugher than the adults.  The Lord has a wonderful sense of humor (and He saved this one for our last Sunday with these wonderful people).

***********

Humorous Stories submitted by Daily Encouragement Net readers:

The following are humorous experiences submitted by Daily Encouragement Net readers. If you have a humorous story please share it! I will add them to this list. Email me

When our son was in kindergarten at a Catholic school, he told us one night at supper that he had learned in religion class about 2 armies who were going into battle the next day. One was a very large, well-equipped army (the “bad” guys) and the other was a much smaller army who had few weapons. The leader of the small army prayed to God to help his army the next day. God spoke to him and told him to have each man in the army paint a cross on their shield and trust in God. If they did that, they would win the battle. The men in the small army did just that and sure enough, they won the battle. My husband asked our son if he remembered any names associated with this event. Johnny responded, “The only one I can remember is the leader of the bad army – his name was Conscious Pilot.”

Linda, West Virginia

Your funny story about the little boy remembering the Veggie Tales names cracked me up and reminded of a very similar incident this year at VBS (Vacation Bible School). The children were listening to the Story of Daniel and the Lions den, 1/2 way through the reader asked the children if they knew what happened at the point where Daniel was thrown into the Lion’s Den. My son was the only child to raise his hand, he starts “they threw Daniel into the Lion’s den with the Lions…” my pride swelling, realizing that my little guy had remembered the story, then he adds …” and they had pizza!” hahaha! We still laugh about this now and again.

Tami, Massachusetts

One day at preschool, another young boy saw my son coming down the hall to class and got very excited. The young boy , although close in age was much bigger and he came running down the hall to give my son a hug. When he did he knocked him down and he hit the floor pretty hard. Although he was physically ok, he started to cry and stated that his friend broke his heart open and Jesus has fallen out and he did not know how to get him back inside. He was very distraught and it was so hard not to laugh. It took me quite a few days to convince him that Jesus did not fall out and that no matter what happens he will always be there with him.

Connie, Pennsylvania

We send our 2 young daughters to a private religious school.  We drive past several public schools to get there and my 6 year old asked why she didn’t go to a public school.  I explained that we wanted her to be tought about God and Jesus, etc.  She thought for a minute and  asked “Does the public school teach about the Devil?”  I had to wonder how much truth there might be in that statement given given the current state of our public schools in

MaryAnn, California

We had a humerous moment occur while we were attending one of our churches here in Maine.  There was a baptism that was incorporated into the regular worship service.  The girl being baptized was probably 4 years old at the time and she went through the entire procedure (baptism by pouring, in that there was no baptistry in this church) and was solemn throughout the prayer and welcome that the pastor did.  Her mother picked her up and as she was being carried back to her seat, she looked up at the pastor, waved and yelled out, “Thank you mister.”  It brought the house down with laughter, but it sure was a moment for reflection as well.

Another time many years ago, a little boy (about three) had been acting up throughout the service and would not settle down.  Finally the father had had enough, picked him and carrying him over his shoulder strode firmly down the center aisle of the church.  As he reached the end of the aisle we heard this clear loud 3 year old voice pleading, “Pray for me folks, I’m gonna get it!”

Ken, Maine

My son was asked in kindergarten one day why we said the pledge of allegiance.  He quickly shot up his hand and to the call of the teacher exclaimed, “If we don’t we’re going to h***.” I wonder sometimes what they are teaching him in Sunday School.

Wes, Missouri

My husband is a dentist and we recall a bright 5 yr old dental patient coming in. He is given the patient information form and my husband greeted him, “So, you’re Seth.”  Seth says, “Yes, I am and I know my phone number.”

“Well, what is it?” Seth give the correct number.

“Do you know your address?” Seth give that information correctly also.

“When is your birthday?” Seth says “March 19th”

“What year?” Seth snorts, “Well, EVERY year!!”

Georgia, Wisconsin

When my son was 5 years old a missionary from Mexico came to our church. This missionary ministered to Indians, so he gave everyone a baby food jar to fill with dimes. He would be back the next year and we would give him the jars filled with dimes. So we took our jar home and started putting dimes in our jar. One day I came home from work and the jar was empty. I asked the two older children about it, they told me they didn’t know any thing about it, so I asked my youngest son. He said yes I took them because you said they were for Indians and I’m Indian.

Marie, Missouri

While traveling on business I purchased a stuffed doll for my daughter.  She asked me where I got it from and I told her Miami (FL).  The next day while she was playing with a friend I overheard her tell her friend, “look at my new doll, my daddy got it from “His-Ami”.

Ray, Chicago

I have a funny story that happened quite a few years ago when my children were younger.  We were asking our children questions about the Christmas story, and asked what gifts the wise men brought baby Jesus. Our then 8yo son said “Frankenstein” and our 10yo daughter said “Merchandise” !!

Kerryn, Melbourne, Australia

My husband Kent & I recall the little girl who had a role in our church Christmas program 25 plus years ago.  As she read her part of the Christmas story, she said “Mary was EXPOSED with child.”  This memory still brings a smile, if not laughter when we read the Christmas story.

Cathy, Nevada

My funny experience happened about 11 years ago in Bloomington, IL at a Christian Missionary and Alliance Church.  My son was recently graduated from college and he and I both worked at the local rescue mission.  During church services he played the piano and I played my flute, sitting on a folding chair next to the piano bench.  As with many church plantings, this body of believers met in an old building of the Soldiers and Sailors Children’s Home and our “altar” was a big platform about six steps up from the auditorium floor.  There was a space of about 2 feet between the back of the platform and a brick wall.  (You can see this coming, can’t you?)  Sure enough, one Sunday morning the congregation was standing, ready to sing and as I adjusted my chair (and to this day I don’t know how this happened) the back leg of the chair first fell into the opening, then SOMEHOW the chair folded up under me and I fell, posterior first, into the abyss.  My first thought, as I seemed to be falling in slow motion, was to hand Eric my flute, heaven forbid if anything would happen to it!  The final result was my hind end wedged between wall and platform….I was stuck, clear up to my armpits…..arms spread, legs spread eagle (wearing a skirt)…..the congregation standing, mouths agape, my son leaping to his feet and yelling “Mom!” and our pastor jumping to the platform to try to rescue me.  My life flashed before me………actually what flashed before me was the fact that I was stuck and it would probably take 8 fireman and the jaws of life to free me from my bondage.  My son wanted to “pull” me up and I said, “Eric, I don’t think you can, I’m STUCK!”  Finally, after an eternity, I asked him to take a hold of my hands and somehow I managed to get my legs under me and crawl out from behind the platform.  My jacket was torn from sliding down the brick wall, but my pride was damaged much worse than my jacket and my bleeding arm.  I was shaking, but determined to climb back to my perch and play during worship.  The best part was after the service when innumerable women came up to me and said, “I’m SOOO glad that was you and NOT me!!!”  From what I understand, people still talk about the event, to this day.  🙂

Jan, Mississippi

When my little sister, Ruth, was about three years old, she was standing on the table studying the picture of the last supper on the wall.  After she looked at the picture for some time, she said, “Eat your cookies, boys, and drink your Kool-Aid”.

Theresa

It happened during one of those children’s sermons, when the pastor has all the little ones come down front and sit at his feet for two minutes of condensed kiddie Gospel.  The pastor asked the children to reflect on “what God wants from us.”  Without hesitating, a little boy piped up: “He wants flowers!”  Plenty of laughter.  In an effort to recoup, the pastor rephrased the question with a “Well yes, but…” and the same little boy pre-empted his peers’ responses with another emphatic: “He wants flowers!”  The pastor made one final attempt to drive home his point, but was again outplayed as the little boy insisted at the top of his lungs: “BUT HE REALLY WANTS FLOWERS!”  Brought the house down.

Pam

My 4-yr-old granddaughter was playing hairdresser with my hair, and in her combing and pretend clipping at the back of my head, she says “Grandma, your hair is turning black back here”.     Ha ha.  I thanked her!

Joan, New Brunswick, Canada

The pastor’s wife was asking for song requests and one boy said, can we sing “He is exhausted”. We all stood there at the altar in shock and finally it sunk in and we began to laugh, the boy not knowing why he was about 12. Of course the song was requesting was “He is Exalted.”

Stephen, Pennsylvania

I was very shy and a fairly new single mom. I was involved with a large singles ministry and was up on stage for the first time giving announcements. I breathed a sigh of relief as I finished and promptly fell down the stairs…My shoe flew in the air everyone (400+) stood up and yelled “OH!” my sister yelled “THAT”S my SISTER!” I slipped away to the kitchen area beet red but giggling. I went on to do much public speaking from there…

Dori, California

I was about 12 when I was mistaken for a porcupine while camping!  I was doing a sketch of Lake of the Clouds up in the Porcupine Mountains in Michigan and only the top of my head was sticking up over the rocks… I heard these people behind me saying things like, “Do you think that is an animal?”, (so I looked around, just moving my head) then I heard ..”Oh it just moved!  and they kept right on talking about if it (the animal) would stay were it was and not to get to close cause it might bite. I had no idea what they were talking about.. Until one finally said, “OH, It’s a GIRL!”

Pat, Wisconsin

I was officiating at a graveside service and just as I finished saying, “And someday the Lord is going to call us all home….” my beeper went off!

Lou, New Jersey

We go to a VERY small country church (and I do mean country) close to our town, which is called Ackerman, but I aptly call Mayberry.  We go to a little PCA church where my husband is an elder and where he and I, in our mid-50s, are two of the younger part of the congregation.  I play the piano for each service and figure I’m about a step up from singing acapella.  Since our church is so small, our pastor has to have another full-time job and he is a Christian announcer on the local Christian radio station.  Anyway, he does not have an office in the church and we only meet on Sunday mornings, so the building is vacant most of the week.  Suffice it to say………on occasion mice frequent our church.  I know, they’ve left me a “gift” on the piano.  One Sunday, nearing the end of the sermon, I was sitting on the front pew with my husband and daughter, waiting to go back to the piano and play the last hymn.  Sure enough, Erin and I spotted the little fellow running to and fro from piano to stairs under the altar.  Back and forth, back and forth.  I did not hear the end of the sermon, but when Brother Dave was ready for me to play the hymn, I refused!  I told him we would have to sing that one acapella and if the elders wanted me to play the following Sunday, they’d best plug the hole under the stairs.  My vision (and I’m pretty sure this was from the Lord) was of me playing Blessed Assurance and having that varmit run up my panty hose.  I don’t know about you, but any living creature that can jump, hop, crawl, or wiggle it’s way onto my body (and is not one of our domesticated pets) is not a welcomed guest!  We sang acapella to close that service.  🙂  I think sometimes God likes to use me for comic relief.

Jan, Mississippi

Our Grandson David at age 3 loved to sing and his favourite was “Rejoice in the lord always and again I say rejoice”, only he sang “Be joyce in the Lord always”

Same child at age 6 was still a great singer (as he still is at 18). One time his father was teaching him to snorkel and as they were going along the father wondered what was the funny noise he could hear, it turned out to be David singing into his snorkel, my did he have sore gums after wards from the movement of his mouth on the snorkel!

Judy in Australia

When my twin daughters were 2, Julie (younger by 5 minutes) stuck her head through a wrought iron porch railing…after much pulling by well meaning neighbors, the firemen arrived (with a hook and ladder truck), sawed the railing off and got her out…When her father arrived home he was greeted by my 4 year old son with ” Daddy, Julie got her head stuck and they had to cut it off!”

Pat, Wisconsin

My family has a gospel bluegrass band: during one of our singings, my husband was introducing us and when he came to me he said, “and this is my wife,______” he absolutely could not think of my name, haha, (stage fright?)

Jan, Ohio

My 3 year old was inquiring during mass “how much longer?”  Then she looked up at the altar and said in a voice heard by everyone nearby, “look, he’s pouring the drinks” as the priest was readying the communion wine.  A little comic relief during a long service.

MaryAnn, California

While we were home on home assignment, we were sharing in a school to first graders explaining what we did and where Venezuela was on the globe compared to where the USA was. So afterwards, we asked if there were any questions and this boy says, “You must have to get up very early in the morning to make there on time.”

Howard, NTM of Venezuela

Johnny had been enthralled in watching the winter Olympics in Calgary. He asked his daddy where Calgary was and my husband got the Atlas and pointed out to Johnny the exact location. On Saturday night, we went to Mass during which our priest read a letter from the Bishop, encouraging us to prepare for Lent which would begin the following Wednesday. The letter ended with “Remember to do something to make someone’s world a little better, a little easier during this blessed season. Remember what Christ did for you when He died on Calvary.” At that point, Johnny said in his loudest voice, “Mommy, you never told me Jesus died in Canada.”

Today’s word reminded me of my nephew, when he was a little fellow of about 3 or 4. He must have been taught the Scriptures, because one day he came running into the house and shouted, Mommy, mommy, come and see–“the heavens are declaring!” She joined him outside to worship as they viewed a lovely sunset.

The above humorous experiences were submitted by Daily Encouragement Net readers. If you have a humorous church story please consider sharing it using the comment link above.

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