(This is a compilation of church bulletin bloopers I have come across.)
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Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
- The Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
- Evening Massage – 6 p.m.
- The Pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
- Low Self-esteem Support Group will meet Thursday from 7 to 8 PM. Please use back door.
- Ushers will eat latecomers.
- For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
- Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
- The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7 p.m. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
- The concert held in the Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister’s daughter, who labored the whole evening at the piano, which, as usual, fell upon her.
- An announcement concerning the pastor’s illness: GOD IS GOOD. Pastor Hargreaves is better.
- Potluck supper: prayer and medication to follow.
- Don’t let worry kill you off – let the church help.
- The Rector is on vacation. Massages can be given to the church secretary.
- Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
- The choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join the choir
- Weight Watchers will meet at 7 p.m. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
- Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It is a good chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.
- The peace-making meeting scheduled for today has been canceled due to a conflict.
- Next Thursday, there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
- The agenda was adopted…the minutes were approved…the financial secretary gave a grief report.
- Barbara C. remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack’s sermons.
- The “Over 60’s Choir” will be disbanded for the summer with the thanks of the entire church.
- A missionary from Africa, Bertha Belch, was to speak at Calvary Memorial Church. The announcement read: “Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.”
- Miss Charlene Mason sang, “I Will Not Pass This Way Again,” giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
- Announcement for a National Prayer and Fasting Conference: “The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.”
- The sermon this morning: “Jesus Walks on the Water” The sermon tonight: “Searching for Jesus”
"A Little Foolishness" 
Not a bulletin blooper, but our pastor told of a preacher praying, “Thank you, Lord, for forgiving us for all of our falling shorts”.
Quite a few years ago our pastors wife asked for requests for hymns and a liitle boy said, “Can we sing exhausted?” We all looked at each other then started to laugh. He meant “Exalted”. Another boy said we are going up in the reputure.
My own collection includes these:
The youth group has raised almost $500 for drug abuse.
“Correction: The following typo appeared in our last bulletin: ‘Lunch will be gin at 12:15.’ Please correct to read ’12 noon.’ ”
Any church member over the age of 18 is invited to participate in this lay ministry program. It requires a minimal amount of training and time. The orientation will include six weekly classes of about 200 hours each Tuesday night.
The Seniors group will have a picnic Saturday. Each person is asked to bring a friend, a vegetable, or dessert in a covered dish. Meat and drinks will be furnished.
The last day of Vacation Bible School will include a field trip to the state game farm. We could use some additional volunteers to help preparing the lunch of sandwiches, potato chips, cheese, crack, and cool aid that morning.
Remember the youth department rummage sale for Summer Camp. We have a Gents three-speed bicycle, also two ladies for sale, in good running order.
One of my all-time favorites:
Tonight’s sermon-“What is hell?” Come early and listen to our choir practice.
As a church pianist, I’ve heard a few of those kind of church choirs! Ha Ha
Thanks for the laugh!