“A Little Foolishness”

Shiloh Church in Andersonville, ND

 Andersonville, North Dakota – Rev. James Burmont pastors the Shiloh Church, a small, independent congregation in the plains of southern North Dakota. He began his ministry as a second career when he was 35 , working bivocationally to provide for his wife Gladys and their five children. He works as a “honey dipper”, that is cleaning out septic tanks.  He always had a dream to complete his education, having attended the county community college when he was right out of high school, but never finishing.

In 1998 he got his first email account and was overjoyed as he began to receive email.  He especially noted an email offer to complete his degree and proceeded to do so earning his bachelors degree in 1999. But the email offers for continued education flowed in and he reasoned it was because he was such a good student. He went on to get his Masters degree.

But was especially intrigued by the offers for a doctorate. He felt this was an answer to prayer and that likely in attaining such a high level of academic achievement he would be able to devote himself full-time to his ministry and eventually retire from the honey dipper business. That was in late 2000.

Now in 2007 the Rev. Dr. Burmont has seventeen doctorates. He explained that the email offers continued to come and he reasoned that it was merely an acknowledgement of his hard work and a recognition of his life experience.  He felt the more the better and he actually enjoyed filling out the paperwork and felt the small fee was more than reasonable in light of the prestige of a doctorate.

When asked by our ALFN reporter if he dealt with any pride Burmont acknowledged, “Well, it really is hard to be humble when you just might have more doctorates than anyone else in the world.” (In fact Burmont is making inquiry with the Guinness Book of World Records regarding this very matter.)

When asked concerning future plans Burmont said he was going for 25 doctorates but would “probably” stop at that point.  He expressed concern that such a high degree of education might make it hard for him to relate to his small, rural congregation.

In fact there has already been some confusion with some in the church and community believing him to be a medical doctor. He explains that he still tries to help them using advice he receives through emails. Recently he was approached at the Piggly Wiggly supermarket by Martha Fernwald, who inquired about her hives. Burmont recalled an email he had received several weeks earlier about a “miracle ointment” and was able to pass this helpful information on to a very appreciative Martha.

He also receives questions concerning financial matters, apparently because people assume that because he has all these doctorates he must be knowledgable on all issues. Burmont has been kind to pass on offers he has received from generous wealthy Nigerian businessmen who have died and left a fortune and want to bless others with it. He feels really good about using his advanced education to help these needy people achieve financial success.

Burmont still has not seen his dream of full-time ministry but believes his service is a sacrifice since with his degree of education he could probably go anywhere, including the top seminaries.  He also feels the honey dipper business keeps him humble and in touch with the people.

Fair Grove, Missouri – When the Rev. Dan Smith graduated from seminary he was enthused to take on the world and begin his ministry. His first church call was to the 125 member Fair Grove Community Church (FGCC). He moved to Fair Grove with his wife and two children in August 2005 giving no thought to a potential church conflict. He had a vision to impact the greater Fair Grove area for Christ.

Smith followed Rev. Sherman Baxter who retired after serving the church for 35 years.

Several months after taking the church he proposed using PowerPoint or as he said (later to his regret) “taking the church into the 21st century.”  His plan was to use the PowerPoint system to help with congregational singing and he also envisioned reinforcing his sermon points and placing illustrative photos up during his messages.

This created a church firestorm that Smith never would have imagined.

The opposition to his PowerPoint proposal was led by Cecil “Butch” Snyder who has been a part of the church since he was saved in the mid seventies.  Butch had been in the local Hell’s Angels motorcycle gang and had been delivered from drugs and alcohol. He was now one of the three deacons in the church.

His opposition stemmed from a concern that in using PowerPoint the church was ”drifting toward liberalism.”  They had been using the overhead projector when he first came to the church and now were on their latest model, purchased in 1999. It had always worked fine as long as he could remember. Why fix something that’s not broken was his reasoning.

In an exclusive interview with our ALFN reporter he stated, “If the overhead projector was good enough for Peter and Paul it should be good enough for us.”

Also opposing the change is Sissy Jones, who since 1978 has cataloged the transparency sheets and now maintains a large file of all songs the church regularly sings arranged alphabetically, topically, by Scripture reference and by date going back to 1969. The sheets are kept in a special file cabinet the church purchased in 1985.  Some of the transparency sheets are yellowed and brittle requiring special care.   Especially precious to Sissy (shown filing in the photo to the left) is the original transparency sheet of the very first song the church sang using the original overhead projector, “This Is The day That The Lord Has Made.” Sissy normally spends about 10 hours a week maintaining the extensive transparency library but sees it as a “labor of love.”

Maude Ferkfinder is concerned for her son, Jimmy, who dropped out of high school and is a little “slow.”  Since 1993 has had a ministry sitting beside the projector during services and placing the lyrics on top when the congregation is singing a particular song. She’s concerned Jimmy won’t be able to able to have a  role in what Pastor Smith is calling “the PowerPoint team” and wonders what effect this might have on his esteem and desire to attend church and continue to serve the Lord. When speaking to our ALFN reporter she wept openly concerning the stress the situation has brought. “We must not stop caring for others” she tearfully said.

The treasurer of the church, Wally Barker, is not necessarily opposed to the PowerPoint transition but is troubled as a “good steward” that the current overhead projector is not that old. When interviewed he pointed out that, “We had the previous overhead model for fifteen years so I reckon this one still has lots of life. Also we have three spare bulbs and I’m told they won’t work in the PowerPoint projector and we also have a practically full box of blank transparency sheets. What would we do with them?  This looks like it be like our mimeograph situation five years ago” 

Frank Sherman, who is among the more studied in the church, takes issue “in all due respect” with Deacon Butch’s assertion regarding the overhead being used by Peter and Paul.  He is almost certain they would have used one of the old green hymnals stored under the stairway in the church basement.

Pastor Smith, although flabergasted at the controversy, has temporarily withdrawn his PowerPoint proposal for the sake of church unity but is confident he will in time win over the support he needs.

In the mean time another controversy is brewing in the church concerning the recently installed automatic scent distributors in the restrooms. Deacon Butch asserts that Peter and Paul would never have approved of such devices.

 Issues Rarely Considered

Septic Tank Cleaning

Many readers live in the city or an area with a public sewer system. There’s rarely a problem and you give little thought to the process necessary to dispose of the waste in your home’s plumbing system.The first reference to a septic type system in the Bible is in Deuteronomy 23:12-14.

Out in the country we have a private sewage system, AKA septic system. When they work well you give little thought to them but if they act up…

Our system has been working fine since we moved here in 2002 but the tank does need to be periodocally emptied and according to the experts (who make a living by cleaning out the tanks) ours was long overdue for a cleaning. Not wanting to have the horrible problems I have heard about neglected septic systems several weeks ago I scheduled a cleaning.

Early this week I dug out above the tank to get to the large man hole cover, which is about 18 inches below the surface. This covers the tank, which is a 1,000 gallon concrete container. A neighbor helped me and we lifted the cement cover off to provide access to the cleaning and a view of the contents of the tank. (This is not what you normally have your neighbor’s over to see.)

Yesterday the truck came by to empty the tank using a large hose which sort of works like a vacuum cleaner. I watched with interest as the technician lowered the hose into the tank and went to work. He was clearly a real pro, although I wondered as I watched him lean over the opening if he ever lost his cell phone, which was attached to his belt, down the pit.  

He aggresively man-handled the heavy hose around the sides of the inside of the tank to “break up the solids” and in just a few minutes the tank was empty and we were “good to go.”  With a twinkle in his eye he said we now needed several million bacteria to replenish the tank. Boy, they sure didn’t tell me that when I ordered the cleaning.  This sure has got me worried:

• Where do you buy “several million bacteria”?  I’ve never seen them advertized in any store I go to although I do see lots of anti-bacterial products.
• How will I get all this bacteria home. Even if I get small bacteria surely several million will take up a lot of room and do I really want to haul that around in my car?
• How much will this cost? Even if I manage to get the bacteria at 10 cents each (10 cents for anything these days is a real value) that’s still a whopping $200,000.
• Surely they could be more specific. “Several million” is pretty vague figure and I sure hate to buy more than I need. Or if I get to many won’t that just clog up the system?

Well, we’ve resumed using our home’s plumbing system and everything seems to be working fine. I suppose we’ll juts have to let the bacteria thing take care of itself!

I asked the technician what they did with the waste. The truck held 5 systems worth (1,000 gallon tanks) he told me they had a processing plant that processed the material and the solids were used as fertilizer and the liquid went into the public system.

Next time you use the toilet or your home’s plumbing system count this among your blessings!

CHURCH IDEAS THAT WORK!

Nasal Strips

 For most of my adult life I have dealt with allergies and nasal congestion. When I get a cold I tend to get all blocked up and can’t breathe through my nose. Several years ago I tried the nasal strips and found they helped me breathe better at night.  Nasal strips are similar to a band-aid but when placed on the exterior of the nose they open the nasal passage up to relieve congestion. These nasal strips are now seen on many football players and other athletes, presumably to help them as they physically exert themselves as the are able to breathe easier.
 
This got me pondering as to whether there might be spiritual uses for the nasal strips in church and other ministry settings and I came up with these suggestions.

• Perhaps they would be helpful for the preacher and give greater liberty and power in preaching.  Some may even determine the use of the nasal strip leads to a greater anointing. 
• Musicians may use the strips and the church’s music ministry would improve.  Perhaps purchase color-coordinated ones to  match the choir robes. 
• Encourage those who tend to fall asleep in church to use the strips, particularly those that are prone to snoring, especially the double snort type.
• Include the nasal strip in the visitor’s packet. People may very well appreciate it more than the customary pen that is so often given.  Due to volume buying you may be able to purchase the strips with your church name on them and this will remind your guests that your church really does care.  
• Encourage using the strips as a witnessing aid using the WWJD theme. Why hide your faith on a sissified bracelet under your sleeve when you can boldly proclaim it right on your nose!  
• For a more humorous use, in very small letters, proclaim on the strip, “In case of rapture this nose will disappear.” 
• Those of us with larger noses may actually have ones with Scripture verses on them upside down so that we can read them through the day and as an aid to memorizing Scripture.

 I am confident that other uses will be devised for the nasal strip.

Smile: “A joyful heart does good like medicine!”

Welcome to my latest blog. This site is inspired by an interest I have had for many years in using humor to convey truth.  I am especially motivated to start the blog at this time by some material I have recently enjoyed reading on the TBNN blog.

I expect to post regularly, but unlike our main site Daily Encouragement Net, which is published each weekday, with no specific frequency.

Stephen C. Weber

Smile: “A joyful heart does good like medicine!”